German Joys

The German Spring

Screw the German Autumn, all hail the German Spring!  Large parts of the nation are turning into paradise.  All over -- but especially in cities full of beautifully-landscaped parks -- sallow natives pour out of their cramped apartments, beaming innocently.  Children kick soccer balls at passing cars.  Lovers dawdle in the long, fresh grass.  Long chains of bicyclists thread between the trees.  Drunks begin quaffing Beck's (or Oettinger, if they're unlucky) at around 10, working on their summer tans.  Gnats hover crisply in the air in fighter-pilot formations.  Geese go to sleep in the middle of a path, and don't budge.

And everywhere you look, all possible shades of green.  Here are a few pictures I've taken in the past few weeks.  First, from the Roseller Heide:

The grounds of Schloss Kalkum (g):

A meadow in the Eifel:

And finally, the sculpture "Harmony" by Aristide Maillol, erected as part of a monument to Heinrich Heine in the Duesseldorfer Hofgarten:

Stork #17 has laid Egg #O-DE-3344554

Sometimes, a chain of mysterious conjunctions happens in your life, leading you to a deeper truth. For me, that deeper truth is that every discrete object found in nature in Germany has a number. 

Item No.1: A few weeks ago, we found out that every tree in Berlin has a number. 

Item No. 2: A few days ago, I found out that we know exactly how many storks there are in Germany.  I was doing some post-Ascension errands, and listening to the children's program Kakadu on Deutschland Radio Kultur.  Children were calling in from all over Germany to talk about storks. Many were extremely excited by one of the various live Internet webcams that show families of storks in Germany (The link is to a Stork Cam in Vetschau, Germany, which promises: " With the brood process, there will be categorically no interference!")

The guest was a woman from the German Nabu, or Nature Protection League (G). Each kid was asked what German state he or she lived in. Most of them didn't know, which I found cute. After they asked mom or dad which state they lived in, the woman from Nabu told them exactly how many stork breeding pairs were in that state. There are 275 in Saxony (if memory serves), and 128 in Bavaria, although the woman said "The number might not be accurate, because some of them haven't been reported yet."

At one point, the following exchange occurred, which I found even cuter:

Moderator: And what did you see when you saw the storks at the zoo?

Child: I saw them being fed!

Moderator: Ooh, so you saw the mother stork regurgitate food for the stork babies?

Child: No, a person did it!

Item No. 3: This weekend, I buy eggs at my local organic food store, Kraut & Rueben, at Brunnenstr. 9. They are, of course, organic. And each individual egg has been stamped with a special three-part code. Take a look:

The code tells you that this egg came from the Hof Alpermuehle farm, in Germany, it was produced under completely organic conditions, and it came from stall number 01-12121.

It was delicious.

Epidermis v. Bark

I came across this passage while reading an essay by Joseph Brodsky on the American poet Robert Frost:

There is a difference between the way a European perceives nature and the way an American does. Addressing this difference, W.H. Auden, in his short essay on Frost (perhaps the best thing on the poet) suggests something to the effect that when a European conceives of nature, he walks out of his cottage or a little inn, filled with either friends or family, and goes for an evening stroll. If he encounters a tree, it's a tree made familiar by history, to which it's been a witness. This or that kind sat underneath it, laying down this or that law--something of that sort. A tree stands there rustling, as it were, with allusions. Pleased and somewhat pensive, our man, refreshed but unchanged by that encounter, returns to his inn or cottage, finds his friends or family absolutely inteact, and proceeds to have a good, merry time. Whereas when an American walks out of his house and encounters a tree it is a meeting of equals. Man and tree face each other in their respective primal power, free of references: neither has a past, and as to whose future is greater, it is a toss-up. Basically, it's epidermis meeting bark. Our man returns to his cabin in a state of bewilderment, to say the least, if not in actual shock or terror.

[Joseph Brodsky, 'On Grief and Reason', in On Grief and Reason: Essays, pp. 225-26, New York 1995]

Help Test Spray-On Condoms

Germany is the Land of Ideas, as President Horst Köhler will have us believe. One of those bold new ideas: the spray-on condom. If you're as excited by this idea as I am, just go to this website and type in your information. For now, just enjoy the "English-language" description of the study:

Spray-on Condom: Testers Wanted

We are looking for 30 Condom-Testers. Your job is testing the new condom. We are looking for men with a penislengh from 9 until 12 cm and 15 until 20 cm. Men between 13 to 14 cm are welcome, too. You should have experience with condoms and beeing almost 18 years old. Your data will be kept very safe. If you have any questions, please contact us.

[Hat-tip: Ed Philp.]

Birdsong in Germany

The birds are everywhere, and they're singing their tiny hearts out. Here's a 40-second recording I made at a local park called the Unterbacher See.

Download birdsong_edited.mp3