Let's Draw Better Swastikas!

A Syrian refugee in Bingen, Germany set fire to the migrant shelter where he lived, and spray-painted a few swastikas to mislead the police:

Hakenkreuze-bingen-fluehctlinge

You call that a swastika? Pathetic.

Take it from me: The secret to spray-painting swastikas is to spray the central cross first. If you're aiming for authenticity, tilt it 45 degrees to make an 'X' -- that's now the Nazis did it. Then you simply add some hooks at 90-degree angles. Bingo! It's not called a 'hook-cross' (Hakenkreuz) in German for nothing.

I'll be expecting much better work from now on, Kameraden.

 


BiFi is Watching You And Doesn't Like What He Sees

'BiFi' (prounounced like beefy) is the German equivalent of American Slim-Jims. Vinyl-encased sausage-shaped snacks composed, arguably, of protein. This is their mascot. Note the bovver boots:

2016-03-17 14.16.49

BiFi says: 'I don't need genitals, you Dummkopf -- I am a genital!'

I saw a child burst into tears at the sight of BiFi. I almost did myself.


German Voting Law Explained

It's election time in Germany! I'm not a citizen, so I can't vote. But for those of you who can, I've prepared a short explanation of German voting law. It has the reputation for being complex, but as I plan to show you, that's undeserved. There are just 5 basic rules.

  1. If the direct-mandate candidate you vote for wins a majority of the votes, he or she wins. The second-choice vote you cast is ignored.
  2. If the party you voted for with your first vote only earns a plurality, then there will be a run-off between the direct-mandate candidate of the second-list party and the incumbent. If another party gets more than a percentage determined by the Glöcksteiner-Levchinavülius tensor function, that party can also nominate a candidate for the run-off.
  3. If the party whose direct-mandate candidate doesn't win nevertheless wins a majority of the first-round popular vote, then extra seats will be created in the legislature. The number of extra seats is determined by the Sloterdijk-Schweinsteiger transform, where z is the log of the discrepancy between the direct-mandate candidate's loss margin and the square of his or her party's winning margin:  Eq0078L
  4. If the direct-mandate winner loses the run-off election but wins over 30% of the vote, the result will be determined by the procedure known as Überhangsmandat. Since this process requires reserving time at the JUGENE supercomputer at the Forschungszentrum Jülich in North Rhine-Westphalia, results will not be final until late 2018.

That about covers it. Enjoy voting!


Georg Friedrich Haas and His 'Perverted Negress'

The New York Time profiles Haas, an Austrian composer (and an interesting one), and his wife, Mollena Williams-Haas, a/k/a The Perverted Negress:

Waking-Dreams

And now to the article, which I'm just going to leave here:

The Austrian-born Mr. Haas, 62, a music professor at Columbia University since 2013, has recently been increasingly open about the unusual nature of his marriage, which he says has dramatically improved his productivity and reshaped his artistic outlook. He will be the subject of a two-concert American Immersion series on Wednesday and Friday presented by the Austrian Cultural Forum, which includes the American premiere of his “I can’t breathe,” a dirgelike solo trumpet memorial to Eric Garner.

In a joint appearance with his wife, who now goes by Mollena Williams-Haas, late last year at the Playground sexuality conference in Toronto, then in an interview this month in the online music magazine VAN, he has “come out,” as he put it, as the dominant figure in a dominant-submissive power dynamic. Mr. Haas has chosen to speak up, both because Ms. Williams-Haas’s sexual interests are widely known (her blog, The Perverted Negress, is not shy about kink and bondage) and because he hopes to embolden younger people, particularly composers, not to smother untraditional urges, as he did.

The fundamental feature of their relationship is not obviously sexual, Mr. Haas and Ms. Williams-Haas, 46, said in an interview at their airy apartment near Columbia, with expansive views of the Hudson River. “It’s not caning,” he said. “It’s the fact that I need someone who is with me when I work.”

Their marriage can seem, in this regard, distinctly old-fashioned, and not in a Marquis de Sade way. While the terms they negotiated at the start of their relationship do not prevent her from pursuing her own professional and personal life, Ms. Williams-Haas devotes much of her time to supporting the work of a man — “Herr Meister,” she has nicknamed him — for whom a “good day” is one in which he composes for 14 or 15 hours.


Eurhythmics from the East

For those of you who don't speak German, this curious gem of a video from the International Socialist Peace and Freedom Conference of 1974 (held in Rio de Janeiro) shows the East German women's rhythmic gymnastics team introducing their new outfits for the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal.

All 22 ladies show off the daring new 'Progess and Equality' themed uniforms, half black and half multicolored, which were the first in East German history not designed by Margot Honecker, wife of East German Premier Erich Honecker and Minister of Education.

The voice-over commentary is by Erich Mielke, Director of the East German Ministry for State Security (Stasi). Having the secretive super-spy appear on mainstream television programming was part of the short-lived 'Protecting You, Protecting the State, Protecting the Future' program, which was designed to improve the reputation of East German spy agencies. Mielke was removed from the spotlight after he made comments about the apparent facial hair growth of some of the gymnasts, which is just visible from certain angles in this video.