German Joys

Turkey is Not Amused

From the Atlantic Wire:

News sites Dipnot and Son Dakika cited Foreign Ministry spokesman Selcuk Unal who pushed back against Perry's remarks calling them "baseless and improper" adding that presidential candidates should "be more informed about the world and be more careful their statements."

"The unfortunate views of Perry are not shared in any case by Republican party supporters, considering the weak support he has received in public polls and primary elections," he said.

In a more withering response, Mustafa Akyol, a columnist at Hurriyet Daily news, an English-language publication, tweeted "Rick Perry: what an idiot." The country's main broadcaster, TRT said "The debate that the Republican candidate Rick Perry attended on American Fox TV turned into a scandal that contained very ugly statements about Turkey."

Rick Perry: Turkey is Being Run by "Islamic Terrorists"

One of the few highlights of the Republican Presidential primary is the heartwarming struggle of mentally challenged Texas Governor Rick Perry to be the first person with major cognitive handicaps to become the Presidential candidate of a major political party. At a debate among Republican presidential contenders last night, Rick Perry uttered this positively Breivikian statement:

“When you have a country [Turkey] that is being ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists, when you start seeing that type of activity against their own citizens, then yes, not only is it time for us to have a conversation about whether or not they belong to be in NATO, but it’s time for the United States, when we look at their foreign aid, to go to zero with it.”

Finally, someone has the courage to speak the truth about the crazed fedayeen running Turkey. When I was there last year, you could hardly have a decent stroll along the Golden Horn without car bombs detonating right and left. If I hadn't followed Lonely Planet's advice to wear body armor wherever I went, the glinting scimitars wielded by turbaned fanatics would have cut me to pieces ere I saw a single sight. The high point of my visit was watching Prime Minister and Sultan-for-Life Erdoğan personally executing dozens of "heretics" with his bare hands as the capacity crowd in Atatürk Olympic Stadium shrieked in delirious joy.

Needless to say, the liberal media elites of the U.S. rushed desperately to cover up the ugly truth:

[Perry's] was the most jaw-dropping statement of the night.

The ruling party of Turkey is moderately Islamic, but it generally has not interfered with the country’s secular traditions. While Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has prodded the leadership about its commitment to media freedoms, few analysts—if any—would say the Turkish leaders is made up of “Islamic terrorists.” We really have no idea what Perry is talking about.

As for foreign aid, Turkey is a wealthy country that already gets virtually no foreign aid from the United States. The State Department this year made a request for about $5 million, which was earmarked for peace-keeping and security operations—not what one could consider traditional “foreign aid.”

Ants! Ants! ANTS!!

This improbable Swiss tourism ad made me hungry. Hungry with terror!

And naturally, reminded me of a certain Sprockets episode:

sprockets germany's most disturbing videos von pentakatharidis

English Libel Tourism

Cory Doctorow highlights a new critique of English libel law:

The Guardian published a long excerpt from Nick Cohen's forthcoming You Can't Read This Book: Censorship in an Age of Freedom, a fantastic-looking book that reveals the dirty truth of English libel law, where "money buys silence" for some of the world's most notorious dictators, thieves, and bad guys. English libel law is so broad that it allows, for example, Russian oligarchs to sue Russian newspapers for punitive sums ("the cost of libel actions in England and Wales is 140 times higher than the European average") in an English court, merely by demonstrating that someone, somewhere in England looked at the paper's website. And yet, the libel law in England and Wales doesn't actually protect people from the most common forms of libelous publication: false declarations of criminal suspicion by the police, false claims of financial irregularities from credit reporting bureaux and false statements in former employers' reference letters are protected unless they can be shown to have been malicious and negligent.

Don't Trust the Statist Anglo-Saxon Socialist Predator Capitalists

Time for another post that most of my readers will hate! Paul Krugman, on the recent S & P devaluation of European countries, quotes the agency's FAQ:

We also believe that the agreement [the latest euro rescue plan] is predicated on only a partial recognition of the source of the crisis: that the current financial turmoil stems primarily from fiscal profligacy at the periphery of the eurozone. In our view, however, the financial problems facing the eurozone are as much a consequence of rising external imbalances and divergences in competitiveness between the EMU’s core and the so-called “periphery”. As such, we believe that a reform process based on a pillar of fiscal austerity alone risks becoming self-defeating, as domestic demand falls in line with consumers’ rising concerns about job security and disposable incomes, eroding national tax revenues.

Needless to say, Merkel continues to flog more austerity as the solution, even as she warns her country that it will face "difficult times" (g) in 2012. Difficult times caused, in no small part, because of her policies.

This is a pretty remarkable moment in European history: major European players are betting the future of millions of Europeans on the existence of the confidence fairy and expansionary austerity, despite the evidence that they don't exist:

One lesson that the world has learned since the financial crisis of 2008 is that a contractionary fiscal policy means what it says: contraction. Since 2010, a Europe-wide experiment has conclusively falsified the idea that fiscal contractions are expansionary. August 2011 saw the largest monthly decrease in eurozone industrial production since September 2009, German exports fell sharply in October, and now-casting.com is predicting declines in eurozone GDP for late 2011 and early 2012.

Europe's mainstream leaders are plunging millions of citizens into a severe, and largely avoidable, depression, based on a theory of fiscal policy that is already, visibly failing. And the debate about this policy failure, unfolding even as we speak, is filled with silly distractions. Instead of soberly posing the simple, empirical question whether the current policy is actually working, most German politicians* are instead:

• reciting the cherished, comforting morality tale of the the Thrifty Teuton v. the Profligate Southerner (Europe's speaking German! (g))
• shooting the messenger by criticizing the ratings agencies (g) -- even though, as the muted market reaction to the downgrade shows, the agencies were simply confirming what every sophisticated observer already knew
• Questioning the motives of the people who are questioning their policies (Socialists! Anglo-Saxons!** Slavish votaries of that Svengali Keynes!)

Overall, the debate reminds me of the American debate on the Iraq war in, say, 2005: even as things were going obviously pear-shaped, the war's most stalwart defenders resorted to basically the same kinds of distractions: shooting the messenger, impugning opponents' motives, etc. Just as in 2005, Europe looked on half in horror and half in bemusement as American shot itself in the foot over and over, the same thing is happening in reverse now -- but it's Europe doing the shooting.

The Re-Education of Patron X

My vicarious outrage has been placated by the person who will now be known to history as Patron X:

The man, called Patron X by the Philharmonic, said he was a lifelong classical music lover and 20-year subscriber to the orchestra who was friendly with several of its members. He said he himself was often irked by coughs, badly timed applause — and cellphone rings. “Then God, there was I. Holy smokes,” he said.

“It was just awful to have any role in something like that, that is so disturbing and disrespectful not only to the conductor but to all the musicians and not least to the audience, which was so into this concert,” he said by telephone.

“I hope the people at that performance and members of the orchestra can certainly forgive me for this whole event. I apologize to the whole audience.”

Patron X said he received a call from an orchestra official the day after the concert. He had been identified by his front-row seat. The official politely asked him not to do it again, he said, and the man took the opportunity to ask to speak to Mr. Gilbert, to apologize in person.

The men talked by telephone (it was a land line) on Thursday afternoon. Mr. Gilbert said he told Patron X, “I’m really sorry you had to go through this,” and accepted his apology.

...

Actually, Patron X said he had no idea he was the culprit. He said his company replaced his BlackBerry with an iPhone the day before the concert. He said he made sure to turn it off before the concert, not realizing that the alarm clock had accidentally been set and would sound even if the phone was in silent mode.

Still, all cellphones should be jammed during classical concerts. If you might need to get an allegedly super-important call during the concert, then don't go.

Cellphones in Concert Halls

A ringing iPhone in New York brought a performance of Mahler's 9th to a screeching halt:

When we reached that passage, as Alan Gilbert turned to the first violins and the sound grew ever more hushed and veiled, the unmistakable chimes of the iPhone Marimba ringtone resounded loud and clear throughout Avery Fisher Hall.  (Checked on my iPhone afterward to confirm which one it was.)  And it kept on ringing, and ringing.  Gilbert kept on conducting for a few bars, but unbelievably, the sound kept on going.  (Doesn’t this guy have voicemail?)

Of all places, the offender was sitting in the very front row, center section, on the aisle (stage right).  In other words, right in front of the concertmaster.

Finally, Gilbert dropped his hands and stopped the orchestra, turned to the offender, and looked at him.  To everyone’s disbelief, the sound just kept on going, and going.  Someone shouted, “Thousand dollar fine.”

Gilbert said something like, “Are you finished?”  The guy didn’t move a muscle.  Gilbert: “Fine.  We’ll wait.”  And he turned to the podium and lay down his baton.

As the marimba kept on clanging, someone shouted, “Kick him out!”  Another echoed.  Some started to clap.  But then others shushed the hall down, preventing pandemonium from erupting.

Finally, it stopped. Gilbert: “Did you turn it off?”  The guy nodded.  Gilbert: “It won’t go off again?” Another nod.  Gilbert turned to the audience, and said, “Ordinarily in disturbances like these, it’s better not to stop, since stopping is worse than the disturbance.  But this was so egregious, that . . .” (I lost his words here), and the audience burst into boisterous applause.

Gilbert turned to the orchestra, said “Number 118,” and started up again, at the point where the trombones enter fortissimo for the last big climax.  I wish I could say you could have heard a pin drop from then on, but there were a few coughers; this is New York, after all.  Still, there was a palpable sense of tension from orchestra and audience, as Mahler’s Ninth finally found its way home.

I wonder if this has happened in Germany yet? My guess would be no. I have always wondered why someone hasn't yet invented a device that will override and disable all cellphones in concert halls. I mean, we can put a man on the moon but not this? What else are we paying all these spy agencies for?

Alternately, we could go for a purely legal approach. I would favor a law requiring anyone who permits a cellphone to ring during a concert to eat that cellphone. On live, nationwide television. Before being drawn and quartered. Along with his or her entire family. Tough but  fair!

Merkel Sure Can Pick 'Em

So, a few years ago, there's an election for the largely ceremonial post of Federal President of Germany. The post is supposed to go to a thoughtful, semi-intellectual type who will give probing transpartisan speeches about the Way We Live Now. The National Assembly, the body that picks the President, had a chance to elect Gesine Schwan, much-published political science professor, the first female head of a major German university, and a certifiable MILF to boot.

Instead, upon the Merkel's urging, the conservative party prevails, and picks some drab center-right functionary. He leaves office after just two years. Why? After making a Kinsley gaffe, the press went after him pretty hard. He promptly clutched his pearls and collapsed onto the fainting couch, then quit his job -- the first federal President ever to do this -- because of his hurt feelings.

So in 2010, there's a new chance to pick a Federal President. Again, there's an interesting choice: Joachim Gauck, a ballsy Protestant pastor from East Germany who played a big part in the downfall of that regime and who helped structure German reunification. He's a colorful, intriguing character who embodies one of the most attractive traditions in German culture (worldly, socially-engaged Protestantism) and was deeply involved with the most extraordinary chapter in recent German history. The Social Democrats suggest to the Merkel that both parties could get behind Gauck.

The Merkel nixes the proposal, and instead of Gauck, puts forward yet another drab center-right functionary. And now that guy's in trouble for a dismally banal two-bit politician grift: accepting low-interest loans and free vacations from wealthy cronies. Then -- in an act of almost-unimaginable stupidity -- he actually leaves a 4-minute long threatening voicemail with the editor of Germany's largest newspaper trying to get them to postpone or kill the story. Whatever capacity drab functionary no. 2 had to inspire respect or reflection or whatever Presidents are supposed to do just went pfft.

Memo to Merkel: Internationally, Germany has a boringness problem, and your unerring instinct for picking colorless apparatchiks is not helping. If the current President goes, let the freakin' opposition pick a President for a change. Please.

A 'Humanitarian Crisis' Made (Partly) In Germany

Down in Greece, it's just a matter of time before attacks on German institutions begin:

Unemployment has surged to 18.8 percent from 13.3 percent only a year ago. Overburdened public hospitals are facing acute shortages of everything from syringes to bandages because of budget cuts, with hiring freezes forcing the mothballing of operating rooms even as more unemployed are relying on the public health system. Rates of homelessness, suicide, crime and HIV cases from intravenous drug use are jumping.

Greece has been forced to cut spending and raise taxes in the middle of a severe downturn, slashing pensions as well as state salaries, jobs and services. As public confidence has evaporated, consumer spending — the biggest driver of the economy — has plunged, generating cascading losses at private firms. The result is a dizzying economic plummet and social crisis that is bringing the cradle of Western civilization to its knees.

“Conditions have deteriorated so dramatically that doctors in this country now believe that the Greek crisis is no longer just a financial crisis but a humanitarian crisis,” said Dimitris Varnavas, the president of the Federation of Greek Hospital Doctors’ Unions.

...

On Monday, German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Nicolas Sarkozy turned up the heat on Greece, suggesting that its bailout deal is in danger of unraveling if Athens does not press ahead quicker with pledged budget reforms and seal a deal with bondholders to voluntarily restructure its massive debt. But they also acknowledged that new steps are needed to combat slowing growth in the euro zone, where economists fear a looming regional recession as other indebted nations from Italy to Spain to Ireland also make deep spending cuts to reassure worried investors.

Again, just to forestall the inevitable comments: Yes, Greece's inefficiencies were irresponsible and need to be corrected in the long run. But timing is everything. Savage cuts in the middle of a severe economic downturn actually prolong the crisis and bring nothing but misery. First you sew the patient back together and let the wounds heal, then you begin the rehabilitation exercises. At some point, I'm pretty sure Germany will relent, under the maxim that Churchill applied to the Americans: They always do the right thing, after trying everything else first.

One other observation: If U.S. policy were having the same effect on some indebted Central American country as EU policy is having on Greece, does anyone really doubt that German coverage would stress the rapacious callousness of the Americans, rather than the feckless profligacy of the poorer nation?

Oh, and the German economy shrank in the last quarter of 2011, mainly because lots of the countries Germany exports to are now too poor to buy its stuff.

A German Escapes the Valley of Whining

E.J. Graff of the American prospect relates the story of a German expat who's settled into the U.S. and why:

"Why do you stay in the U.S., then?" I asked the German-born historian whose last professional job in Germany [actually, I think this is supposed to say the U.S.] ended two years ago. Since then, she has been doing piecemeal work and relying on a much thinner social safety net in the U.S. than she would have in her country of origin. There, she'd have her family, health care, lower housing costs, and other social and economic guarantees. She had just told me how much Germany had come to life since her youth: instead of "don't walk on the grass" signs, there's a lively public culture; instead of beige houses, there's an explosion of color; instead of the grim and clenched authoritarian culture for which Germany was once famous, there's playfulness. So why stay in the U.S.?

I wasn't challenging her; I was genuinely curious. It takes a certain kind of person to leave your culture behind and be unfamiliar with everything forever after. No matter how long she's been here, she can never be part of certain shared cultural conversations, which we refer to by particular markers: the Brady Bunch, or Seinfeld, or what Ellen's "puppy episode" meant to lesbians at the time....

She had two answers, both which interested me. The first was that, having been an expat for more than a decade, she would never again be fully at home in Germany; she was Americanized now, to some degree, and would be out of place there. I've heard that before from Americans who've lived abroad for some extended period. ... So I wasn't surprised by the historian's answer. But why would that keep her here? Because, she explained, here her accent marks her as foreign; it reveals her reason for being a little different, a little unfamiliar with ordinary cultural habits. But in Germany, where she is unmarked as a foreigner, her different-ness irritates people. Aha! That made sense. 

But there's a second reason she likes the U.S., and it surprised me: Because of our famous "can do" attitude. She used the phrase with the air quotes, of course—but she meant it. She can't stand it, she said, that Germans whine all the time. They complain about what the government isn't doing. Americans, she said, just fix it. Even the whiners do something about whatever it is they dislike.

The German word for this phenomenon is Jammertal, roughly, the Valley of Whining. I can sympathize with the expat here: the whining is probably the unloveliest of German personality traits, which is why I'm going to simply point it out but not whine about it.