Hanky Panky with Tricky Ricky in Franky Furty

In Frankfurt last weekend for a wedding, I booked myself a room at Hotel Minerva, a cheap hotel near the main train station. You never know what you're going to see in such a place, but, as it turned out, the rooms were surprisingly large and reassuringly clean. Granted, there was a discarded camisole jammed into the corner of the wardrobe that the maid forgot to remove, but that just meant more cross-dressing fun for me!

In the bathrooms, all necessary cleansing fluids were encased in plastic containers integrated into non-removable metal mountings. Granted, this creates a somewhat prison-like vibe, but I'm sure there are good reasons for this. Reasons I would not like to be informed of in detail.

What were these built-in hygiene article dispensers called? I'm glad you asked:

These delightfully whimsical names added a coy, winking bordello-like vibe to the existing prison-institutional feelin'.* Yet they also made me feel vicariously, profoundly lonely.

* Come to think of it, that's not a bad theme for a bordello. Kommandantin Heike, clad in prison guard's uniform that leaves nothing to the imagination, first gives you an appallingly unconstitutional full-cavity search, then you're thrown into a ludicrously overcrowded cell filled with insatiable vixens yearning to make you their, er, 'bitch'... Quick! To the trademark office, to register 'The Prison of Passion' before some Austrian does.

Comments

[Trotzkopf]

Obviously the only reason for using built-in non-removable dispensers is for the hotel to save money. Prevent customers from taking home the souvenir soap. Basically the rule is the cheaper the hotel, the less items there are to take home with you.

My personal pet hate are these hangers that are supposed to have brought the ultimate victory against hanger thiefs. I always feel tempted to take them home nonetheless, only to punish the hotel owner for being so disrespectful of their clients to give them these damned ugly and unhandy things.

[Andrew]

@Michele: The "figure" on the hanky panky tissue holder does sort of look like a dog, but is only a reflection of the bathtub fixtures.

[CN Heidelberg]

I love when I get a hotel room with these...they crack me up. Here they are trying to look all gold-trimmed and 80s-fancy: https://picasaweb.google.com/carmellernh/WismarAug2007#5103727779649543602

[sphere]

'The Prison of Passion'. And if that is taken, how about Lustknast?

[Michele]

The figure on the right of the Hanky Panky dispenser is giving me the willies - what is it?! A smiling white dog with grey hearts for eyes?

[Sebastian]

And for the ladies' bathroom: Hygiene bag dispenser "Secret Lady" and wastebin "Lady Killer."

And what in the name of the Lord is this?

[mawa]

Ille certainly is one of the weirdest and coolest German Mittelstand companies there are. Not only because they are making "Big Willy" toilet paper dispensers and they have pioneered printing advertisements on paper towels; they also actually sued Deutsche Bank for selling them spread-ladder swaps with insufficient risk information and won.