Enslaving Europe, Doggy-Style*

I'm as dismayed as the next civic-minded person by the Anglo-Saxon world's unhealthy Nazi fixation, but it's worthwhile remembering there are some not wholly illegitimate reasons for it. One is how exciting this era was: one of the world's most advanced nations decided to basically wipe the slate clean and force-march itself into a new era of enforced social order and technological mastery. The intellectual framework driving this momentous transformation had room for any number of batty or semi-batty notions: medieval folktales, nudism, anthroposophy, runes, time travel, etc. Anyone with a crazy-yet-völkisch scheme for social progress could get a hearing, and sometimes funding.

Which brings us to the Nazi talking dog school:

In his new book Amazing Dogs: A Cabinet of Canine Curiosities, Cardiff University historian Jan Bondeson mines obscure German periodicals to reveal the Nazis' failed attempt to breed an army of educated dogs that could read, write and talk...

According to the book, scientists envisioned a day when dogs would serve alongside German troops, and perhaps free up SS officers by guarding concentration camps. So to unlock all that canine potential, Hitler set up a Tier-Sprechschule (Animal Talking School) near Hanover and recruited "educated dogs" from throughout the country. Teachers claimed a number of incredible findings. An Airedale terrier named Rolf became a mythic figure of the project after teachers said he could spell by tapping his paw on a board (the number of taps represented the various letters of the alphabet). With that skill in hand, he mused on religion, learned foreign languages and even asked a noblewoman, "Can you wag your tail?" Perhaps most outlandish is the claim by his German masters that he asked to serve in the German army because he disliked the French. Another mutt barked "Mein Fuhrer" [sic] when asked to describe Hitler. And Don, a German pointer, is said to have imitated a human voice to bark, "Hungry! Give me cakes!" in German.

Germany's love of dogs may have blinded the Nazis to the outlandish goals of their project. "Part of the Nazi philosophy was that there was a strong bond between humans and nature. They believed a good Nazi should be an animal friend," Bondeson says. "Indeed, when they started interning Jews, the newspapers were flooded with outraged letters from Germans wondering what had happened to the pets they left behind.

Which brings me, in turn, to my scheme for Instant World Peace™: in the future, all wars must be fought by dogs instead of humans. I confidently predict that just one evening newscast of mutilated, gasping, blood-spattered dogs twitching their last on a battlefield will accomplish what 5000 years of recorded human suffering haven't.

* Appalling title, I know. By the way, 'the' Nazi Dogs exist.

Comments

[Alexander]

Dear Andrew,

Well, if it only takes 10-15 minutes to write your blogs then I can certainly understand that they are – for the most part and in my humble opinion – “unter aller Kanone” and the limited time does not allow for much fact checking in advance. Déjà-vu?

You were linked on bildblog.de, you were invited to give an interview for radio – both evidently on the basis of this blog. I would say this blog gives you a certain clout, a power to influence the opinions of readers you have inadvertently attracted. When you have a quiet, reflective moment consider applying the proverbial Spiderman Principle. By the same token, your readers do not have to take everything you write for granted.

I attempted to resist but I failed, Andrew. So let’s split some more hair: if there was a fire in the room then – in the interest of those around you – I would hope you sound the alarm. I genuinely believe that a fire in the room is cause for alarm. Unless of course you were referring to a candle or something else more intentional. So “but” makes the “I don’t want to alarm anybody” bit null and void because you are in the process of alarming them to the rapidly spreading fire in the room from the moment you opened your mouth! I was referring to your first sentence in the blog and was not proclaiming a fundamental universal truth. However, your “grammatical counterstrike” does not seem to stand up to scrutiny. Lastly, I would be unnerved for reasons other than syntax when somebody basically called me a Nazi enthusiast.

I wonder if the use of the f-word is a testament to the loosened up state you are in. If it is then you are to be commended;)

Yours truly,
Alexander

[Andrew]

@Alexander: Actually, "but" is a concessive conjunction which may, but need not, directly negate the first proposition, it may merely place it in context. As in "I don't want to alarm anybody, but I believe there's a fire in the room."

And even if you think I used 'but' inappropriately, remember: this is a blog, people. What appears here has not been chiseled in marble, but rather typed in 10-15 minutes.

So, my dear e-colleagues, loosen the fuck up!

[Alexander]

I would have thought that a professor of a higher learning institute would be aware of the fact that the crucial word “but” in the first sentence makes the statement before it null and void. I am dismayed.

Evidently, careless investigation about the dog school as well; just like the evil German media that does not bother checking its facts before publishing huge lies about death row in Florida. Well, let’s hope Mrs. Schmidt at least joined the NSDAP.

[Bastiaan]

The famous Rolf, the talking Airedale, was certainly not part of any Nazi project, as he lived before the first world war. Isn't this whole Sun article not another example of unhealthy Nazi fixation.

Paula Moekel, Mein Hund Rolf. Ein rechnender und buchstabierender Airedale-Terrier, hg. von Friedrich Moekel, R. Lutz 1919
(Full text on http://www.archive.org/stream/meinhundrolfeinr00moek/meinhundrolfeinr00moek_djvu.txt)

[orangeshow]

Man, am I disappointed, I thought this was about punk rock and instead all I read about is stupid dogs.

[Sebastian]

Hitler set up a Tier-Sprechschule (Animal Talking School) near Hanover

Am I the only one who reads this and wonders if it could perhaps be untrue? A short Google search revals that the school was actually set up in 1930 by a certain Margarethe Schmidt in Leutenberg, in the Thuringian highlands. But I'm sure everything else is correct.

[The Honourable Husband]

Why does this make me think of the wierd imaginative world of Hanna Barbera cartoons? "Rorry, Reorge..."

[noribori]

Thomas Mann's youngest daughter, Elisabeth Mann-Borgese, had several dogs which could play piano. Because the dogs preferred to play with their snout, Elisabeth even had a special dog piano built for them with huge keys. You can hear a little excerpt here (-> Hörprobe, track 07 on CD 2).

Some people put the best of them into their pets and what's left is a Schweinehund, others have enough love and lust for life that they can share with everyone around them.