And now, the post that renders all other posts unnecessary: Gerber and Schwarz's timeless all purpose fill-in-the-blank list that explains why the ______s hate the ______s:
1. They stole our _______!
2. At the Battle of _______ in the _______ Century, they used unfair tactics to defeat us. We cannot rest until the souls of our dead are avenged.
3. Their religion is absurd. Offensive, really—did you know they actually believe __________? And they won't be happy until EVERYBODY believes it!
4. While it's not "politically correct" to say so, science has proven them to be _______.
5. They smell weird.
6. They live like animals. Children, education, the future—none of these matter to them.
7. Their music is primitive, and encourages people to _______.
8. Can you believe they eat _______? Think about that for a second—they actually put _______ in their MOUTHS.
9. They want to sully our women.
10. There are so many of them—all they do is _______! If we're not careful, someday soon we'll be submerged beneath a flood of ________!
11. If there's anything worse than a _________, it's a _________-lover. These traitors are trying to destroy us from within.
12. Sure, there are a few good _________s. But better safe than sorry.
13. Yes, we killed ________ of them. You can't expect them to understand it was in self-defense—they're totally irrational. Sooner or later, they will seek revenge, and when they do, we must be prepared to kill more. That's the only language they understand.
14. Of course we seem prejudiced. The media is obviously pro-_______.
15. They're the reason we're so unhappy.
"They're the reason we're so unhappy." We'd never ask ourselves whether the source of our unhappiness might lie within ourselves, would we? Then we might have to face some hard and painful facts about ourselves.
Also: anyone or any group will do; just fill in the blanks; main thing: finding a blank screen onto which we can project our own fears and shortcomings.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 23, 2010 at 12:49 PM
Michael Gerber: He is the author of "Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody" (2001). A very funny read even if you don't have any clue what the parodied original is all about.
Posted by: heiko | October 17, 2010 at 08:36 PM