At Least I Know I'm Free
Like, Totally Whites v. Italians

Soon We'll Like Totally be in Charge of this Country -- How Kewl is That?!

the woman of my dreams

Overheard on the banks of the Charles River just south of the Harvard Campus:

"So, like, then Amber and Wei-lin called him up and he was all like 'dude, I totally do not want to go to that party in Dunster, 'cause, like, Deena's gonna be there and that is like, totally no-go' and then I was all like 'That is sooooo juvenile. Just a week ago you were all like totally into her' and then he was all like 'nuh-uh'! and I was like, 'totally you were'...."

These are shiny, chipper, well-pedicured Harvard students from America's most prosperous suburbs, yet they sound like the American answer to Cindy aus Marzahn (g).

I am working on a device that uses advanced voice-recognition technology to deliver a powerful electric shock to the genitals whenever the wearer uses the word 'like' or totally'. It will also have a remote-control function allowing a nearby Grammatiksturmbannfuehrer (me) to deliver an extra shock on an ad hoc basis for general inane, substanceless blathering.

One day I'll win the Nobel for my efforts.

UPDATE: On reflection, I see that this I inadvertently insulted Cindy aus Marzahn, who -- in addition to her many other signal qualities -- routinely uses actual verbs and nouns to build her sentences. Sorry, Cindy!