Poem of the Week: 'Immigration Quotas'
The Irish Referendum

Les Obamaphobes Francaises

One of the most pleasant aspects of Europe's judicious and reserved email etiquette is that you don't get pelted with screechy, ungrammatical, crazily-formatted political emails whenever an election is around the corner. 

Not so in the States, where right-wing halfwits are busy concocting e-screeds against crypto-Islamic elitist Manchurian Candidate Barack Hussein Obama and sending them to all their friends and family members with the urgent request to GET TEH TRUTH OUT!!  These things get forwarded in ever-expanding circles, creating a massive snowball effect and eventually reaching millions of people (fortunately, most of the recipients are paleo-conservatives who would never have voted for Obama anyway). 

In fact, in a troubling sign of cross-Atlantic contamination, there are even French versions of anti-Obama emails.  Obama's created his own response website called Fight the Smears, but Christopher Beam suggests IMITATING THE STYLISTIC QUIRKS!! of these right-wing emails to spread the Good News about Obama:

From: [Redacted]
To: [Redacted]
Subject: WHO IS BARACK OBAMA?

There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.

Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.

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