A German Joys Contest: Pick My Religion!

I will shortly depart for a vacation to fabulous Slovenia and mysterious Hungary, but directly afterward, I'll be stopping by the Citizen Registration Office to renew my visa here in Germany.  I have little doubt that, as usual, I will be asked to write my religion on an official government form.  This always strikes me as rather dodgy.  I don't particularly think the government has any business knowing what religion I practice.

So I take an irresponsible American approach, defined by the motto: "Ask a silly question, get a silly answer."  At first I was an atheist, which seemed the safest way to avoid church taxes.  Then I found out I could name any religion I wanted without getting taxed, as long as it wasn't Catholic or "Evangelisch" (Protestant).  So the next time I renewed my visa I became a Buddhist, since I've always had a thing for the Noble Eightfold Path.

But why should my next answer be limited by my own creativity?  There's a whole world of possibilities out there I might not have thought of.  Although I have thought of a lot, including the Yazidi.  They worship a blue peacock and can't eat butter beans.  So far so good, but they're also prohibited from wearing dark blue, which is one of my favorite colors.  So no Yazidi-ism for me.  I've also thought about putting down "Worship of the Flying Spaghetti Monster," but that won't fit on the form.

So, dear readers, get to those comment boxes and give me a religion!  Whoever has the most creative suggestion will dominate my spiritual development for the next year, at least in the eyes of the German state.  What more precious reward could I offer?

Comments

[Bomer]

Ok heres a good 1
say that I am worshipping whatever god that the current world HeavyWeight Boxing Champion is because if there is a god he will make sure the champ is from the right religion so at the moment I am a Christian until a man from planet who is Muslim or Bhuddist or aethiest ( the least creative ) or like shintoism and then say Oh Bodhihama your gifts are so wise but for now u all have to be christian and truth be told the holy bible aint wimpy dude.

=*=DrugStormKid=*=

PS best Game on PC is BattleField 2 Now go get a copy or miss out like the brownks in the war :D :) ;) ahrhahrhahrahr
When will it be the day when world domination is in my grip :D

[Roland Schwarzer]

Wie wäre es denn mit der "Kirche der heiligen Vagina"? Gegründet vom Genie Walter Moers. Und hier das dazugehörende Glaubensbekenntnis:
"Wir glauben an die befleckte Empfängnis. Wir glauben, dass Gott eine Alte ist und zwar mit großen, dicken...

Wir haben auch ein eigenes Begräbnisritual: Wir glauben daran, dass die Genitalien weiterleben - beerdigt, wird nur der restliche Körper."

[hape]

you could also choose the religion of the jedi, and for your credibility, odd sententences you can build.

[Amtsleiter]

What about "The church of Trek"? You can choose between moderate trekism which allows you to worship every series or orthodox trekism which only recognizes the original series as a valid belief system.

If you are crazy enough you can choose any kind of extrem islamic belief. Is hedonism a religion..well its worth a try. Or try communism...its not an actual religion but its quite close. You worship Marx and Lenin, you have many religious artifacts like banners, statues, the "Kapital", and a large collection of "Winkelemente".

On the other hand I would try a nature religion from africa or south america. They come with ghost inhabited plants and animals and some allow you to ritually eat parts of other humans.

Last but not least you can join my favorite religion: Buerocratism. You dont actually worship a godlike entity but you have to believe in the good cause of buerocracy. Your religios artefacts can be bought at every stationary shop. Furthermore you would choose the religion most civil servants believe in. This can have advantages when applying for any kind of permit or benefit.

[Gregor]

What about "scientology"? German government loves scientology ;-) And race: try "human".

[Ligia]

visit www.allan-kardec.org

I think Spiritism is a good religion to a form: you can persuade germans that what you are doing it´s serious stuff( Hard to tell it on the Flying-Spaguetti-Monster-case...)and I am quite sure that they won´t send your money to some "Allan Kardec charity program" in your neighbourhood. If they tempt to, I´ll give you a long list of Inatitutions in Brazil founded my Allan Kardec followers that you can claim to sponsor. The german burocrats may be happy to know that you are engaged in a religion and you support people that have the same befieve of yours in a third-world-country ;-)

[EchterDusseldorfer]

I found some U.S. government forms to be equally odd when it comes to the question of "race?". I remember that musing over my SAT test form, I considered which box might give me an upgrade on my test score. I really hesitated to check White, since that somehow felt like I was identifying particularly with my race and believe that there would be an inherent character to the scholastic aptitude of different races, which I don't.

But then "Alaskan Native/Pacific Islander" seemed even wronger. At first I wanted to check "No Reply", but in the end, I gave in and checked the darned White box.

BTW: Just how did it come about that White people are "officially" referred to as Caucasian in the States? There really seems to be no historical connection to the Caucasus mountains.

[Martin]

I am pretty sure the millitary (US, german or otherwise) will show interest in your religion as well. Otherwise, how can they give you a proper burial or supply you with kosher or halal rations? I claimed to be a lutheran, so I could doze through mass, and didn't have to do anything that nonbelievers (or believers in unpopular religions) might have to do, like KP or cleaning the barracks.

[carl]

"Jurist"

[Pastafarian]

> I've also thought about putting down
> "Worship of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,"
> but that won't fit on the form.

Then use small letters.
That IS what you should write to really drive them nuts. :-)
When having read your text half the way down I already thought "Propose the FSM, propose the FSM" and then you did it yourself.

If all else fails just write "Mammon" since "Den Mammon anbeten" means "Worship the money".

[Steff]

I would like to see something that is very german but not a religion at all. Well to most people. So my choice would be 'Bürokrat'.